You were always my biggest fan through the losses and the wins.
I go back to being a child, snow globe in hand. It was Christmas morning and I could hardly wait to show my neighbor what magical gift Ol' Saint Nick brought me.
As I ran, barefoot through dewy morning grass, my small legs couldn't move fast enough to keep up with the excitement I felt radiating through my veins.
Flashing my snaggle-toothed smile and sporting last night's pajamas, I ran.
I ran as fast as I could until...
Until it happened. I watched in slow motion as every bit of magical euphoria came crashing down right onto the cement driveway in the form of my brand new, Santa-given snow globe.
In my excitement, my feet entangled and we all fell into a glitter-water puddle that was, for a brief moment, my most prized possession.
The cuts and scrapes that covered my tiny palms and bony knee caps were the least of my worries.
Did my neighbor see me?
How mad was my mom going to be?
How mad was SANTA going to be??
My faced flushed hot with tears as the disappointment I felt in myself quickly settled in.
I stared, through tear-clouded eyes, at the remains of my snow globe that lay dismembered across the drive.
I gathered the survivors and I walked head hanging, lip out, in a defeated slump back to the steps of my front porch.
I dreaded the look in my moms eyes that would indicate without words how disappointed she was in me.
How could I have been so irresponsible?
Why was I so careless?
How could I have failed at such a simple task?
As I approached the door, Santa figurine in hand, I didn't even make it through the foyer before the tears poured down my chubby cheeks collecting into small puddles on the worn hardwood floors.
My mom rushed to my side, and the look in her eyes was anything but disappointment.
The look in her eyes was concern, it was compassion.
It was unchanging and unconditional love that beamed through her eyes like rays of warm sunshine onto my tear-stained skin.
Her tight embrace and encouraging words instantly took away my grief.
Though shattered and dismembered, the snow globe's life as a snow globe was not over due to this one small mishap.
My mother saw it as nothing but a small detour, this one failure did not determine its fate.
She took my snow globe and she brought it back to life.
I watched with great hope as she carefully glued the surviving figurines to a small, textured mason jar and filled it with water.
She added a pinch of glitter, tightly screwed on the lid, and gave it a whirl.
My eyes lit up in newly found excitement to see this once broken and defeated snow globe, revived and rejuvenated with the life and purpose it not-so-long-ago possessed.
She was a miracle worker. My biggest fan and most profound words of encouragement. She never cared if I won or lost the game, she only cared that I committed and gave it my all while I was in it.
Twenty-something odd years have passed and I lay, staring at the ceiling, wondering what you would tell me now.
After spending nearly three hundred dollars of my hard earned cash on graduate school application fees, I have received two letters within the last two weeks stating the institution's rejection to assist me in my pursuit of fulfilling my dreams in becoming a licensed Speech Language Pathologist.
"Best of luck" they conclude, after they have just crushed all your hopes and dreams through black printed ink.
I hope you look down at me now and see me as the snow globe.
I am so broken and so defeated by the blows this universe has thrown me, but I am not done.
Mom, I hope you see me, all my successes and all of my failures, and I hope you still see me through unconditionally-loving eyes.
I hope you see that my purpose can still be fulfilled. That I can revive the desires of my heart and reap the successes that will follow in my future career.
I hope that you are proud, I hope that you are always near
You are the light of my life, always have been, always will
I love you forever my beautiful angel,
Sage
