"Let's Do This"

Over three years of hype all boiled down to this one moment, and trust me, I truly cannot wait to share the story. It was nothing short of an absolute jaw-dropping, outer body, magical experience

How it all started:

    Brett and I have been dating for over three years. We met at a bar in college on a Wednesday night in January. It was not a serendipitous, romantic moment. We were having drink specials, though Brett may have had one too many by that point. He laid it on thick and asked for my number at the end of the night. I called my mom the next day and said something along the lines of, “I met a boy last night at the bar and he asked me on a date but I think I’m going to say no because he is just another college boy”, and that just was not what I was looking for.

It wasn’t that easy. Brett pursued and reached out to me like I never thought he would, and he did in fact get that first date. I was terrified of how badly it might go, so I suggested we eat lunch on campus using the extra money on my dining card- also not the most romantic moment. On our first date, I explained to Brett that my mom was very sick with breast cancer.

I was giving him the option, and half expecting him to finish lunch and never  talk to me again. What twenty some thing year old in the prime of their life would want to deal with a girl whose mother is dying of a terminal disease? I sure didn’t want to deal with it, but it was moving towards me like a derailed train, and there was just no stopping the hell that would soon be my life. 

 I did hear from him again and we were together almost every single day after that date. He was far from perfect. He rarely washed his clothes, stayed up way too late, lived off of pizza and Bud Light, and he cussed like a sailor. He was far from what I thought I wanted but everything that I exactly needed. We didn’t have an easy go at it, but that “college boy” stood at the front of my mother’s funeral only two months into our relationship and hasn’t looked back since. 

He has shown me how to stop planning and start living. He’s calm and collected, completely level headed, and finds the beauty in every person and experience he encounters. He has a huge soft spot for animals and he still cries watching “Extreme Home Makeover”. Plus, he ties my shoes and pumps my gas on a weekly basis. 

Though he doesn’t sing me songs of romance or send me flowers on the reg, he loves me in a way that not be explained. What we have is beautiful and rare and I hope and pray everyone will experience what I have in him. 

But yes, it happened. The moment myself and everyone else has been waiting for. All the hype and waiting was totally and 100% worth it and if you take away anything from this unnecessarily long blog post, please remember these words: “Enjoy every phase of your life.” The words my grandmother would tell my mother and my mother would tell me. We spend so much of our time looking ahead and wishing our lives away that we forget to be present in what’s happening right in front of our own face. Though at times I wanted this just as much as every person that has asked us nine million times when it would happen, I knew my time would come

And oh man, did it come.

December 7th, 2017

     Brett and I had a winter trip to Banff, Alberta, Canada planned with his mother as a way to “get in the Christmas spirit” by surrounding ourselves in frigid temperatures and several feet of snow. Brett and I travel as much as possible, this wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, but we were especially hyped for Canada because it has been high on our bucket list. 
      Leading up to the day we left, Brett never gave anything way. He even went as far as having the jewelry store that we looked at call me to ask me if we were still interested in purchasing a ring with them. I was clueless. The night before, his favorite pair of boots broke and earlier that week his hairdresser cut his hair too short. I wondered why these small happenings were such a huge problem to him, but I soon found out. 
    We left on December 7th at the crack of dawn from Chattanooga. I took a test for one of my classes until midnight the night before and we were up getting ready at 3am to head to the airport. After one flight to Chicago and another to Calgary, I noticed Brett wasn’t being his normal “get up & go” self. He was moving at a snail’s pace, suggesting we go to a grocery store and sit down for lunch. On every trip I’ve ever been on with him, he has NEVER been one to waste a second of daylight and I was starting to become agitated as to why he decided to on this one. He stalled for as long as he could, stopping at gas stations and driving under the speed limit. His mom, in the back seat, was quiet as a mouse the entire way, in fear she would give something away. As we approached the snow capped mountain ranges heading towards to Banff, Brett pulled off into what looked to be a portion of the national park, with lakes and peaks that reached towards the stars. This also wasn’t out of the ordinary, as he usually looks up places he wants to see before a trip. In a portion of Banff National Forest, we drove down a secluded road lined with snow dusted pines and endless views. The first spot we came to, Two Jack Lake, had a lone ice skater on the newly frozen water. The mountains peaking behind the lake made for a picturesque moment, and I insisted on capturing it. Brett suggested I hurry and not waste my photos, because there was a better, more beautiful lake just up ahead. We parked in a desolate parking lot that was mostly covered in ice. Lake Minnewanka, a huge lake plastered against the snow capped mountains that embraced it from nearly every side. I immediately asked to take some pictures, Brett complied and then walked ahead of me while I absorbed the view. I FaceTimed my younger sister, Madison so she could join me in the jaw-dropping scenery. We laughed and talked and carried on, I took my sweet time. Eventually, I walked over to Brett who was out on some rocks that jutted into the lake. I asked him to stand there and let me take his picture. I was snapping away when I noticed his eyes were constantly darting to things behind me. It freaked me out so I turned around and asked him what he was looking at. He never really answered, but posed for the photos (which turned out really amazing) and started to walk behind me. I was about to ask him to take mine when I turned around and saw that Brett was on one knee with a small box in his hand and he says, “Let’s do this” with a half smile, half smirk. My brain could not catch up to what was happening in my life at that moment. Was he just going to tie his shoe? Was this some kind of sick joke? And holy cow, that ring!! I instantly fell to my knees. It felt like I took a baseball to the stomach and all the wind was knocked out of my lungs....but I liked it. I remember asking him over and over if he was serious, hysterically crying and laughing at the same time, and after what seemed like five minutes his sweet, soft eyes saying “will you marry me? Are you going to leave me hanging?". I instantly wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him as tight as I could, sobbing into his shoulder. I couldn’t believe this was my moment. My time had finally come. Over 3 years of dating and two years of living together, and here we were. I was never one of those people who thought that they had to be married in order to be secure in the relationship. I knew we were good, that we would be together for as long as we could be. Sometimes society got to me..all of the questioning and judgement of the life we lived. But at the end of the day, I knew what we had was beautiful and rare and a ring or a title wouldn’t really matter. But here it was, in front of my face and now on my finger. I didn’t have to have it, but man it sure feels good. The symbol of promise and our future forever. In the blissful haze of our newly upgraded relationship, I noticed a photographer had a camera in front of our faces snapping hundreds of photos. I gave her a puzzled look, but soon realized Brett had set the whole thing up. He had been communicating with Dana, the greatest photographer of all time, all the way in Calgary for months about how this moment would go down. He found her on Instagram and I seriously don’t think he could have picked anyone better. She was hysterical and sarcastic and fit right in with our bunch. Just as I was absorbing the engagement, Dana positioned us and told us to kiss, and that’s when I heard it. The voice that I know and could recognize a mile away. Little did I know I would be recognizing that voice 1,862 miles away in Banff, Alberta, Canada. “You didn’t think I would miss out on this trip, did you?” I froze. I could not believe what my ears were hearing. Out of the woods comes Michele Hughes, in all her glory. I literally turned from her and walked the opposite way, not believing she had traveled all the way there. She kept trying to hug me and the same feeling like before, all the air being abruptly sucked from my lungs, crept back full force. Brett had flown Michele, one of my best friends, out to witness the whole thing. It was a dream. I could not believe this was my life. I had the most outer body feeling, as if I was looking down on myself watching it all happen. Brett Baker, the guy who doesn’t even plan what he’s going to wear each day, planned the most extravagant, perfect proposal that I could have never dreamed up. I felt and still feel like the luckiest girl in the world. It’s a high I hope I never come down from. And as for my mom, I have no doubt she was there. The sun set amongst the snow capped mountains and reflected onto the lake the most surreal bright pink to purple explosion that most certainly had to be the joy bursting from my mother’s heart. It was no ordinary sunset. As I looked out onto the lake, I covered my cold hand over my mouth in a strange mixture of sadness and joy, knowing that she was fully present in that moment. 

     Dana, the photographer, toured us around the entire next day and photographed every moment. She had us getting out on the side of the road in -3 degree weather, breaking through frozen lakes, and standing up to our ankles in snow, but just wait until you see the engagement photos that are going to come from it! 

    The remainder of the trip was just as much a fairytale, spent with people that I love and cherish, making memories we will never forget. 

So, here we are. Back at home, in our normal routine. Nothing has changed, yet nothing will ever be the same. The awe inspiring trip that belonged to us has only brought us closer. I cannot wait to make this guy the extraordinary husband that I have no doubt he will be. 

And, for all those that are asking and will continue to ask: There is no date or plans for a wedding, because there will not be one. A wedding has never and will never be my dream. Everyone can enjoy another surprise when we post photos of an elopement we have on one of our adventures somewhere down the line. 

As for now, we will be present in this moment and enjoy the new phase of our lives. 

Thank you all so much for all of the support and kind words. We are so blessed to be known and loved by so many people! 

Fragile Creatures

Did you know that squirrels were intentionally placed into metropolitan cities' newly constructed parks and greenery back in the 1800s in order to "maintain people's health and sanity" by allowing them to feel more at one with nature?

Squirrels and humans living amongst each other, walking the same paths day by day
Developing a mutual respect and understanding for one another, until eventually the squirrel became a symbol of preparation, trust, and thriftiness to all man-kind
Squirrels are smart, cunning
Constantly twitching about, gathering and planning for the days ahead
Squirrels are also one the few mammals that will eat out of a human's hand, allowing us to connect with them on more personal level.

I was raised by a mother who had the strongest desire I've ever known to help all living things
People, plants, animals of every species
Squirrels, especially

My mother was the mother to various litters of squirrels throughout various times of the year
Frail, newborn squirrels dependent on their mother for nourishment and warmth, found themselves in the electrically warmed embrace of my mother's heating pad being hand fed from a tiny syringe.
These fragile creatures, survivors of a tragedy, now under her loving care

Differentiating between them by the colored markings she added to their backs, one by one my mom reached into their make-shift nest to wake and feed every 2 hours around the clock. She never complained or asked for help, instead she allowed her motherly instincts to kick in full force, raising these squirrels into strong, independent beings just as she did for us.
A borderline obsession; my mother educated herself, purchasing literature and supplies, perfecting her role as their mother
She gave these little rodents a second chance at life
Most of her babies had left the nest, so she filled it back up every chance she got

I think in a way the squirrels were healing to her
A great distraction from the cancer taking over her body
She devoted every ounce of her energy into keeping these squirrels alive
Though not for herself, she could control that for them

She was so delicate, so attentive to their every need

Her efforts were successful, she raised them all
From small, hairless rodents on the cold earth to husky, full grown squirrels

They didn't thank her for all she had done or send her cards for Mother's Day, but none of that mattered to her
She kept them alive and they kept her busy

I look at them now, as they frolic about my neighborhood, foraging for food to add to their hidden winter stash, with a greater appreciation

The infant squirrels, once alone and hopeless, left for dead on the pavement
Separated from their mothers and families
They still flourished and they still grew
They became stronger and adapted to the new way of life they now had the opportunity to live

As I go through the seasons of my life and experience new trials along the way, I can only imagine what she would say to me now
The encouragement she would give, the pushes to keep fighting for my dreams no matter how many doors were closed
"Speak what you want to the universe", she would say

I miss her from the depths of my gut, so much that it infuriates me at times
I swallow back tears at the thought of her embrace
Every ounce of my being aches to see her face just one last time, healthy and happy

I recall these things to keep her alive, to never forget her quirks and qualities

The sound of her voice grows more faint each year, the memories ever-so-slowly fade
I look at pictures of her, the same ones I have seen a thousand times, with no new ones to be made

I think of the squirrels and the strength she breathed into them
Even when she, herself had very little to give

She did that for me, too
and she is still doing it now
I just have to dig a little deeper to find it

Just as my mother did for the squirrels, she raised me up
Nourished my body and soul, and set me free into the world
I carry her lessons and encouragement around with me like an acorn, a treasure
Tucked away safely, firm and close to my heart

Like the squirrels, I, too, am a survivor of tragedy

But where there was her life, now there is mine and I'll live it strong to make her proud,
 just as she taught me to do



Missing and loving you always