1..2..3..4…5
Five tiny fingers; the first ones you learned to count.
Five—the age I was on my first day of school when we got into a small fender-bender on the way and my mom thought I would never want to go to school again
Five—the number of cups of coffee she drank each day
Five—the number of years you’ve been gone.
I don’t want to count past five.
One handful of years is enough.
Time is a real kicker.
One day you’re smiling ear to ear, living in a carefree state of mind and the next day you’re ugly crying tears into your skillet over the stove while cooking dinner because all you want is to cook dinner with your mom, just like old times.
That’s just the way it works. It’s neither healing nor harmful.
It just happens anyway.
In the past five years, there have been countless times I needed to call her-- my sounding board and voice of reason. There’s some advice only a mother can give and my mom was always full of it.
I try to squeeze my eyes shut, to think of what she would say.
It was always raw and unbiased. She only spoke the truth, even if it stung a little.
She’s missed a lot but I know she’s seen it all, heard ever plea, and connected with me in her own unique way, as she usually did. If she were here, she would have plenty to say, I’m sure of it.
These are the five pieces of advice I think she would give. The simple things that make big differences.
These are the five things we should all be doing, according to my mom:
1. Stop being so selfish.
Every moment there is an opportunity to show kindness. Whether it’s holding the door for someone or asking the grocery cashier how her day was going and actually caring enough to know the answer. There is always an opportunity to think of others and make someone’s day a little brighter. I try to see the world through my mother’s eyes, how she found these opportunities every day, and I so often fall short. Slow down, take the time, and stop thinking so much about yourself.
2. Quit the nagging.
Men don’t hear it anyway. It’s a gift. They will not see what needs to be cleaned and they will not notice when you clean it. Do not blame them for it. Effectively communicate with others and show your appreciation in all of the small things they do. People are not mind readers. Take care of the one you’re with and they will take care of you right back ( & if they don’t…dump them. She would tell you to do that, too…trust me)
3. Pick yourself up.
When you lose your first job, when you don’t feel great, or when you’re just having a rough go at it. Have your pity party, count your lucky stars, and keep on moving. Everyday will not be amazing, but there is something amazing about everyday and if you’re reading this, then that’s one of them. Life is entirely too short to waste days on momentary troubles.
4. Take the chance.
So what, you’re scared…uncomfortable? That’s when the good things happen. Don’t get too complacent in your job, home, city, or relationship status. When opportunities arise, jump on them. You never know what may come out of them but if you don’t take them, you know exactly what your life will be. As my mother frequently said, “there are so few times in life that you will be completely and truly surprised”, and its so true. Live for those moments that scare you to death, yet make you feel so alive.
5. Don’t be a “Negative Nancy”.
Positive thinking, positive words, positive life. My mom was a firm believer in putting out all of the good energy into the universe; in full belief that it would acknowledge that light and give it right back. There were times she would have me mantra out loud with her, speaking the things I wanted for my life, all for the betterment of myself. Even if it doesn’t give it back to you in the exact way you had hoped, spreading all of that positivity can only help mold your thinking and allow you to see the greater good shine through the cracks of all of the negativity that can come with life. Look for the bright side, even when it’s dim.
Five years ago was my worst day.
It was the worst day for anyone that knew and loved her and if you were one of those lucky people, I am grieving with you today, too.
The tears may flow & I am okay with that. The pain in the absence of those that have left us is the only real sign of the impact they made while they were here.
And if you weren’t one of those lucky many, I can only hope you will read this, take her advice, and strive to live your life in that way that fulfills your soul while pouring so much light and love into others.
“Live your life with joy. I know you will.
Love you forever! Mom"
