Fight or Flight

It's crazy how the human senses work
One whiff of a perfume,
One taste of a treat,
The sound of a voice
Can send your brain sailing back to a precise moment in time
The images of your past, for a brief moment, flashing across your brain like a projector screen
It's like you could close your eyes and go back
Touch the person, relive that memory just one more time

The human body, made up of millions of cells and complex systems
All working together in perfect synchrony to keep your heart pumping, your brain functioning
The human body is constantly working in our favor, fighting to keep things in working order
A fever: your body's way of heating up to fight against infection
A shiver: an autonomic reaction created to help generate and preserve heat

Our bodies also protect us from grief and psychological pain
Though not caused by a burn or a sting, the same areas of the brain are activated to protect us from deep emotional pain
Traumatic memories are suppressed, extended periods of time are erased
Your body does what it has to do to get you through the toughest of times

I think back and attempt to recall the year after my mother's death, yet there are few memories I can retrieve
What did I do that year? Where did I go?
I was with people, I was going places that my brain will never admit
Disconnecting me from all of those around me, it stayed deep within the soul of the one I lost
My feet moved, my heart beat, but without me ever really knowing why

Our grief is real, it aches worse than any other physical pain ever experienced
But the sun still rises and the sun still falls
And our bodies are here to make sure we keep up with it

To say I haven't been happy since her passing would be a lie
Though at that time, I never thought I would be again
I've made great memories, smiled because I meant it
To be honest, some days I even forget it ever happened at all

But, today is a Tuesday, two and some odd years after the passing of my mother
and for no apparent memory or reason, my heart aches
Grief has crept in and resided deep within the core of my being
A flash of her smile, the pitch of her voice
It's like she just left this world a few days ago and my body is weighed down with her loss

I live in the constant yo-yo of grief
Riding its high's and rolling with the low's
I imagine this is how the rest of my life will be, and I am okay with that
The grief means she was there. That it did happen after all
That my pain in her death exists because she was so alive

A flash of blonde hair
The tune of a song
I'll keep her in my memories for as long as she belongs