Fragile Creatures

Did you know that squirrels were intentionally placed into metropolitan cities' newly constructed parks and greenery back in the 1800s in order to "maintain people's health and sanity" by allowing them to feel more at one with nature?

Squirrels and humans living amongst each other, walking the same paths day by day
Developing a mutual respect and understanding for one another, until eventually the squirrel became a symbol of preparation, trust, and thriftiness to all man-kind
Squirrels are smart, cunning
Constantly twitching about, gathering and planning for the days ahead
Squirrels are also one the few mammals that will eat out of a human's hand, allowing us to connect with them on more personal level.

I was raised by a mother who had the strongest desire I've ever known to help all living things
People, plants, animals of every species
Squirrels, especially

My mother was the mother to various litters of squirrels throughout various times of the year
Frail, newborn squirrels dependent on their mother for nourishment and warmth, found themselves in the electrically warmed embrace of my mother's heating pad being hand fed from a tiny syringe.
These fragile creatures, survivors of a tragedy, now under her loving care

Differentiating between them by the colored markings she added to their backs, one by one my mom reached into their make-shift nest to wake and feed every 2 hours around the clock. She never complained or asked for help, instead she allowed her motherly instincts to kick in full force, raising these squirrels into strong, independent beings just as she did for us.
A borderline obsession; my mother educated herself, purchasing literature and supplies, perfecting her role as their mother
She gave these little rodents a second chance at life
Most of her babies had left the nest, so she filled it back up every chance she got

I think in a way the squirrels were healing to her
A great distraction from the cancer taking over her body
She devoted every ounce of her energy into keeping these squirrels alive
Though not for herself, she could control that for them

She was so delicate, so attentive to their every need

Her efforts were successful, she raised them all
From small, hairless rodents on the cold earth to husky, full grown squirrels

They didn't thank her for all she had done or send her cards for Mother's Day, but none of that mattered to her
She kept them alive and they kept her busy

I look at them now, as they frolic about my neighborhood, foraging for food to add to their hidden winter stash, with a greater appreciation

The infant squirrels, once alone and hopeless, left for dead on the pavement
Separated from their mothers and families
They still flourished and they still grew
They became stronger and adapted to the new way of life they now had the opportunity to live

As I go through the seasons of my life and experience new trials along the way, I can only imagine what she would say to me now
The encouragement she would give, the pushes to keep fighting for my dreams no matter how many doors were closed
"Speak what you want to the universe", she would say

I miss her from the depths of my gut, so much that it infuriates me at times
I swallow back tears at the thought of her embrace
Every ounce of my being aches to see her face just one last time, healthy and happy

I recall these things to keep her alive, to never forget her quirks and qualities

The sound of her voice grows more faint each year, the memories ever-so-slowly fade
I look at pictures of her, the same ones I have seen a thousand times, with no new ones to be made

I think of the squirrels and the strength she breathed into them
Even when she, herself had very little to give

She did that for me, too
and she is still doing it now
I just have to dig a little deeper to find it

Just as my mother did for the squirrels, she raised me up
Nourished my body and soul, and set me free into the world
I carry her lessons and encouragement around with me like an acorn, a treasure
Tucked away safely, firm and close to my heart

Like the squirrels, I, too, am a survivor of tragedy

But where there was her life, now there is mine and I'll live it strong to make her proud,
 just as she taught me to do



Missing and loving you always